It is an old Hindu mythology that the goddess of knowledge Saraswati plays the Veena (a stringed instrument) endlessly as new sources of knowledge are generated continuously all over the world. In the same vein, most of the things we do in life-- our quest to become successful, a yearning for wealth, and our choices to fall in love-- is like playing one giant Veena, hoping that sources of happiness (not knowledge this time) are generated.
To most people, happiness has become the most important aspect of human existence. So invaluable is happiness that most struggles and engagements we are involved point to a single pursuit-- the pursuit of happiness. Finding happiness has become the unconscious motivator to most of the things we do. Even in the big world of romance, we are attracted to people we think can make us happy in any way they can. It is this pursuit that leads people down the pathway of the controversial feeling called love.
Love is a great feeling (possibly the greatest that is). The popular British poet Alfred Tennyson once wrote: "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". This is an unswerving elucidation about our individual hopes of finding love. Those who have felt it before want to feel it again (it is like an addicting drug), those who haven't hope to find it someday, and those who have it don't want to let it slip away from their grasp. Everyone wants to be loved?
Love is beautiful, and it is a special moment when we realize we are worth loving. It is that feeling that makes us smile when we walk the street, that sensitivity that lifts us into the best version of ourselves. It is that emotion we can always hold on to even in our most difficult moments, that beam that shines onto our being and makes us believe that everything will be fine.
But on the other unfortunate hand, love is insane! Love makes us do crazy things. Love is its own master, and it does what it wants to do. Love is never fair. Love is partial: It comes to some people on a plate while others spend their entire life searching and waiting for it. But it comes and leaves whenever at will. It comes to us at the best possible moment, and it leaves us at the worst possible moment. And when it leaves us, the hurt that it leaves behind is a hell of a lot more than whatever satisfaction it gave us when we had it. Matrimony is an institution which acts to cage love, keep it under chains and shackles so that it doesn't ever go away even when it wants to. But still, love keeps breaking out of this "prison" over and over again without breaking a sweat. It is this erratic nature of love that has led to the coinage of phrases like "real love", "true love" because people like to believe that there is a more responsible form of love, a love they can own and control. Forget about true love and real love. It is just love in the complete package.
Those that have loved and lost would tell you that in so many cases, when love flees, it leaves behind a great feeling of unbelievability. Desperately, people make efforts to get love back because they simply don't want to come to terms with the fact that it is gone, and they regrettably, might never get it back. You cannot force love.
Recovering from the loss of love is never easy for anyone. It is the one experience that can reduce the toughest of men to tears like a six-year old. Then in some cases, the desperation to get it back steps in. And finally, when the realization dawns that love might have been lost for good, a space for fury is created. Then love can turn to hatred (there is a thin line between them anyway) or an evil need to destroy the person that took our love away arises all of a sudden (the If-I-can't-have-you-nobody-will factor). When the state of the mind is not controlled and the heart is brimming with these dangerous feelings, one may discover that drugs cannot help, confinement can drive one crazy. The dominant voice in the head becomes the only one that fuels your mind and limbs to act. Then the once sweet love that seemed a blessing becomes a curse. And people are shot, people are stabbed, and to make a bad case worse, concentrated acids are thrown:
In California, USA, NY Daily News, June 18, 2013: "tainted love: Girlfriend arrested for throwing acid into boyfriend's face'
In Freetown, Sierra Leone, News.Sl, November 15, 2008: "Jealous Girlfriend Pours Acid on Boyfriend's Face in Sierra Leone "
In Calabar, Nigeria, July 27, 2012, the Punch: "Jealous nurse pours acid on lover'
In Benin, Nigeria, June 11, 2013, YNaija: "Man held in prison for pouring acid on girlfriend's face after she broke up with him'
And in Nigeria again (the worst of them all, I think), September 21, 2012: "Jealous Girlfriend Pours Acid on Boyfriend's Private Area (and trust me, you don't want to see the picture)'
Sad; so sad how love can turn from a rose on our bed to a torn in our flesh (or better stated, an acid on our face). But if we get the full details of these stories and get to talk to the people involved, it would only take a simple analysis to realize that they all have something in common-- promises must have been made and broken. And that brings us to the story of the old school player.
The old school player is smooth and ruthless in his ways. He promises heaven and earth to ladies. He tells them he is crazy about them, he even goes the mile of promising marriage when, unknown to the unfortunate preys he is sweet-talking, all he ever wants to do is play the field and get some (you definitely know what I mean!). Back in the day, players were admired by their friends, and younger boys actually looked up to them. Apparently, guys saw something (I wonder what that was) fascinating about their ways-- they had the mojo and the game was theirs. But their game was mean, and your position in the league of players was hugely dependent on the number of hearts you could break.
But things have changed now. Players are losing game as they have realized that playing has become as dangerous as pushing drugs. Taking a look at the acidic cases above, you would understand why players are closing shop; they are no longer plying the trade of the typical old school player. And suddenly, the old school player is now seen as stupid. The recent day player adopts a refined fair way of playing. Instead of promising you the whole world just to have carnal knowledge of you, he tells you he likes you and wants some but isn't ready for a commitment. He leaves the ladies an option of maintaining the clarity of their thoughts, and anything they finally do is totally their choice (he doesn't cloud your thinking with words and plays with your emotions).
Women are sensitive to words (they will remember all your verbal commitments) just as they are serious when it comes to sex (while a man sees sex as "just sex", a woman sees sex as a means to an end). Guys should understand this. You do not make promises you cannot keep. Don't tell a woman you love her when you don't; don't tell a woman you cannot live without her only to move on to the next available person once you are done; never ever promise marriage unless you are not only convinced that she is the one, but also ready to tie the knot.
We all need to be careful. As humans, we must subsume some natural desires under the strength of reason. You don't start a chase because you think you can; start one because you genuinely have feelings for the other person involved. If you aren't ready to keep to the promises you make, then don't make them at all. No amount of carnal gratification can make up for the face you could lose. But generally, I think we put love under a lot of pressure. We expect love to be what it is not. Love is not an absolute guaranty of everlasting bliss, and shouldn't be seen as so. Maybe when people fall in love with the imperfection of love in mind, they can handle the loss better.
To those who have found love and lost it: It is never the end of the world. You were once loved, it shows that you are worth loving. Some day you shall find it again. Bear in mind that you can't force love back; it is a "free being". You can only get over it and try to move on. Never contemplate the acids even if you were hurt-- it is not worth it. Regardless of what you are going through at the moment, you can always draw consolation from the fact that it gets better.
To those who are in love: Enjoy it in every way possible. But you just need to expect less. Don't expect love to be there forever; it does not promise that.
To those who have never found love: Just open up your heart. It could come to you on a plate someday, at the best possible moment.
And to the players: Nobody admires you anymore. In fact, playing is a dumb thing to do now, and people actually know that. It is time to close shop. You could be saving your life (or face at least).
But above all, love is beautiful. It is difficult to shut your heart to it. It is your strength just as it is your greatest weakness. It promises hope just as it brings despair. But all we can do is take the positives from past love, enjoy the blessings of the present one, and expect the best from tomorrow. Then we shall find peace of mind (and maybe happiness).