Has your wife never made advances at you?
Then this article is just what you need.
Perhaps you consider yourself "˜happily" married. You have a good and virtuous wife who is an excellent house keeper and a wonderful mother to your amazingly well brought-up kids. She cooks you utterly delicious meals and is prayer warrior.
In fact she is almost the perfect woman for you except for one thing; her attitude to you in times of intimacy. Oh she never says no or complains of the proverbial headache. She always agrees and even responds passionately when you touch her.
The problem you have with her is simply that she never makes the first move!
Even if you don't touch her for a whole month she would neither complain nor request for lovemaking for her own sake. She just continues with her life as though nothing was amiss.
Which leaves you wondering if she does not find you attractive or if perhaps she is getting it from some other source (heaven forbid).
Well before you let your mind wander any further into the abyss of confusion and error, you need to be brought up to speed on how some ladies view these things.
1. She may have been brought up to believe that "˜good" girls don't show their desires even with their husbands.
2. She may be terrified that if she makes the first move you may consider her as a whore or a woman of loose morals and no self-control.
3. She may simply feel that her total bedroom obligation to you as a wife is to agree, open to you and allow you to finish your biznes. It may never have occurred to you that you required anything more from her.
4. She may have switched herself off to you sexually because of your bossiness or dictatorial attitude outside the bedroom.
5. She may genuinely not enjoy sex with you because you do not pleasure her. You only seek to please yourself and her satisfaction is no concern of yours.
6. She may have a strong inhibition towards sex due to some traumatic event in her past such as rape of any form of sexual abuse.
7. She may simply have a low libido and may not enjoy sex that much
From the short list above, you can see that there are quite a lot of reasons why a wife may not choose to initiate intimacy.
So basically if you are a hubby in this situation, the first thing to do is open up a dialogue with your wife in a non-judgmental and non-threatening atmosphere.
- Appreciate her for being responsive to you whenever you reach out to her.
- Let her know her own satisfaction is equally important to you.
- Enquire of her the reason why she has never made the first move
- Reassure her in any area of concern or fear
- Explain to her how much it would mean to you if she would begin to initiate lovemaking sometimes
- Invite and encourage her to reach out to you and surprise you whenever she felt like it.
And if indeed she begins to reach out to you and to play a more active role in the bedroom, you need to appreciate her for it and let her know how happy she has made you. But if having that discussion with her only opened up old wounds and caused a greater rift between you two then perhaps there may be a bigger underlying issue that you both need to address. Or sometimes you may both seek professional counseling if abuse or trauma was involved in her past.
In any case, don't bury yourself in silent frustration and growing resentment. Break the silence and get the bedroom conversation going. You will be delightfully surprised to unleash a fierce tigress in your formerly timid kitten.
the time is ripe for the silence in the bedroom to be broken. Let husband and wife begin to create the atmosphere for dialogue. And let there be listening without judging and let there be positive response and things will definitely improve for the better.
Ronke on: 23 Aug 2013
thank you Lady Yudy for this article.Hope this will help a lot of husbands.
This is an eye opener for a lot of people who are too embarrased to speak up.
Please keep up the good work.
Buddy on: 22 Aug 2013
true, but it is not easy for guys to ask. What if it is a rape. Most guys would rather not know. I think more women should realise men need loving to and just go for it. If you can get the loving when you need, you can also give.
Post Your Comment
Name :
Comment:
Email Address:
If you can read this, don't touch the following text fields.